So this is my first time doing a five minute friday linkup... a free write for five minutes. (http://katemotaung.com/2014/09/11/five-minute-friday-ready-and-a-challenge/) I'm not the best with free writes, but here goes.  The prompt is "ready" ... so ready set go!

It never ceases to amaze me that God is always ready, always waiting for me.

I don’t have to be good enough.  I don’t have to strive harder.  I don’t need to follow a list of prescribed behavior.

When I am following Him, reading His Word regularly, listening to His voice, He is ready and waiting.

When I mess up, He is still ready and waiting.

When I ignore Him, He remains ready and waiting.

When I make mistakes, He is ready and waiting.

When I am ready to confess and repent, He is ready to forgive and extend grace and love.

I am so thankful that while I am far from perfect, I belong to a God who loves me, no matter what.

A God of unconditional love, unconditional readiness.  A God who waits steadfastly.  A God who always has open arms to run into. 

I love the song When God Ran by Phillips, Craig and Dean (for full lyrics click here), it paints a beautiful picture of this concept.

I was so ashamed, all alone, and so far away.
But now I know, that He's been waiting for this day...

I saw Him run to me,
He took me in His arms,
Held my head to his chest,
Said "My son's come home again!"
Lifted my face,
Wiped the tears from my eyes,
With forgiveness in His voice
I felt his love for me again.

It is never too late to run to God.

Psalm 36:7 - How precious is your steadfast love, O God! The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings.

Psalm 40:11 - As for you, O Lord, you will not restrain your mercy from me; your steadfast love and your faithfulness will ever preserve me!

1 John 1:9 -  If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Psalm 145:18 - The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.

So I have a confession to make…

I may be over twenty, and I may do many adult things, like go to work and pay the bills, but still I will always and forever…

 LOVE Winnie the Pooh.

In fact I have the big book of the complete stories and poems.  And this big book might just be sitting beside the couch this very moment because I might have just read some selections from it last night.

Anyway, I really am going somewhere with this, I promise. 

In one of the stories, there is a snippet of dialogue which goes like this:

“What day is it?” asked Pooh.

“It’s today,” squeaked Piglet.

“My favorite day,” said Pooh.

At first glance I chuckled over this, as I chuckle over quite a lot of things in this wonderful big book of Pooh.  But then it struck me that a deeper meaning could be seen in this.

Now, whether A.A. Milne ever meant there to be something deeper, I will never know, but whether he did or didn’t, I have found something profound beneath this simple snippet.

There have been many days that have felt like “a favorite day” for me.  A day I found out I got a job I was really hoping for, days on vacation, a day a prayer was answered…

But what about all the days in between?  What did I do with them?  Did I appreciate them at all?  Did I make the most of them?

As I look back, most of the days between the “favorites” seem to be a blur of ordinary, boring routine, with bouts of stress and sadness, as well as some simple joys and pleasures, breaking up the sameness.  And it occurs to me that there is so much time that I have wasted.

I have wasted with too much worry…

When I wearied myself by putting all the focus on what ifs, and tried to control things that I really have no way of controlling.

I have wasted with too much work…

When I wore myself out by only seeing all that had to be done and busying myself with expectations that were too high. 

And I have wasted with too much wandering…

When I wanted my own way and ignored God’s guidance. 

I cannot gain back what I’ve already wasted.  All I can do is carry on forward.  Hopefully with a healthier, wiser mindset.

What if, like Pooh, I could be excited about a day just because it is today?

Psalm 118:24 says, “This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.”  (ESV)

What if I look at every today to come as a gift from God, and be glad for that very reason?  What if I choose to see the possibilities it presents? 

What if I put God first in my day? 

What if, when I look back, I can be full of thankfulness, rather than full of regret? 

What if, when I look back at the good that came my way, I can be glad that I took the time to savor and treasure it, instead of rushing through it?  And what if when I look back at the struggles and pain that overtook the path, I can see how God was there when I called upon Him, giving me the extra strength and comfort I needed?

I need to remember that I only have so much time, and so I should make the most of it.  “All flesh is grass, and all its beauty is like the flower of the field.”  (Isaiah 40:6, ESV).  I do not have forever on this earth.  The small drop of time I have in the ocean of all of the time that has and will exist ought to be treated with care, and wisely handled as the precious thing it is. 

And when I stumble, as I’m sure I will, I do not have to berate myself and be discouraged.  Instead I can let the failure go, and be encouraged to know that I can continue on and start the next day right.  God will forgive me, and He will lift me up. 

“This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope.  The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.  “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, therefore I have hope in Him.”  The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him.”  (Lamentations 3:21-25, NASB)

While I cannot always change what happens today, I can always change my attitude about it.  I can meet the day head on, whatever it brings, and live it to its fullest. 

{Linking with Kelli Woodford for Unforced Rhythms.}

A faint light greets my eyes as I blink them open.  It is too early to be up on a weekend.  Especially after a late campfire.  I shut my eyelids again, but before I slip back into sleep I remember that there is something beautiful I will miss if I do that.  As much as my body feels unready to rise, I know the experience will refresh me if I take the opportunity.

So I rouse myself from bed, make some tea, grab a light jacket and my camera and head out the door of my parent’s cabin.  I keep walking until I reach the end of the long dock.  And then I wait. 

The world is still and quiet, waiting with me.  Clouds are scattered across the grey expanse above with splashes of yellow in a variety of hues throughout.  As I watch the western sky, a sliver of light breaks through the horizon line.  A crimson blotch appears, then slowly turns to gold as it grows, rising and taking shape into a glowing orb. 

Birdsong breaks the stillness, echoing the joy I feel at the promise of a new day. 

I continue to sit and stare, basking in the peace of the moment.  There is no one but me, God and His creation. 

Ah, the peace of God’s presence… when I allow my soul to simply soak in God’s Holy Spirit.  I can just be…

…when I forget about everything but God and His glory.  His promises.  His faithfulness.  His enduring, steadfast love. 

That is when everything else falls into the background, and I can be still. 

Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still and know that I am God.”  I have found that if I put that in reverse, and meditate on God and who He is, it is only then that I can be still. 

Certainly a setting like the one described above helps, but I have also found the stillness in my living room, on my porch, while driving, in a coffee shop…

Wherever it happens, that stillness is a sanctuary.  A sanctuary where I praise God for who He is and for what He has done, and I look with hope toward a future where He will continue to be with me, to guide, to comfort, and to bless.  There are no worries, no fears, no anxieties, no what ifs, no whys, and no buts in that stillness.  Just God and the peace He gives.

Do you need a sanctuary of peace from this world of trouble?  Take the advice of the following verses.  Find God and you will find peace.

Philippians 4 6-7:  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  (ESV)

John 14:27:  Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.  (ESV)

{Linking with Kelli Woodford for Unforced Rhythms.}

Step into a scene with me for a moment… on a boat in the Sea of Galilee, around 2,000 years ago…

As our boat journeyed over the waters, I closed my eyes to pause and just enjoy the moment.  A warm breeze brushed my face, carrying the scents of sea and fish.  The boat gently rocked in rhythm with the waves, soothing in its motion.  Snatches of banter and laughter from my sailing companions reached my ears, and I smiled.  This is the life, I thought.

At the cry of a gull I opened my eyes and stared up to peer at it.  As its wings beat up and down at a smooth, steady pace, I stared, transfixed by how it appeared to move so effortlessly, so freely, through the brilliant blue backdrop of sky.  The gull dipped down close to the water, and I noticed the sunlight made the surface appear to be strewn with sparkling diamonds.

As I continued to watch, clouds began to roll in, blocking out the rays of the sun.  The sky darkened and the waters started to churn and rise.

My companions were no longer laughing.  Shouts and orders competed with the sounds of the storm.  All sense of peace gone, I fought against growing panic.  What chance did we have of survival amidst these crashing waves and howling winds?  

Huge waves tossed the boat about like it was a toy and water poured onto the deck.  I carefully made my way across the lurching surface of the boat to help my fellow sailors until a thought stopped me in my tracks.  Where is Jesus?  When did I last seen him?

I wiped seawater from my eyes and glanced about.  I heard shouting from the direction of the stern and made my way there.

What I found shocked me speechless for a moment before I joined in with the shouts of the others.

Jesus sat with his head cushioned on his arm, his eyes closed.  The wind whipped his hair and the waves sprayed him, and yet he slept!

“Save us!”  We cried.  “We’re going to perish in the storm!”

When all our shouting finally roused him, Jesus took a moment to give each of us a look in the eye.  When he spoke, his tone was a mix of rebuke and reassurance in one. 

“Why are you so afraid?  Where is your faith?” 

No one had an answer.  We watched in awed silence as Jesus rose and faced the raging waves.

With a voice that boomed so loud and commanding it could be heard even above the fury of the storm, Jesus cried out, “Peace!  Be still!” 

The sea stilled, and the storm subsided.  We looked at him, we looked at each other, and we could do nothing but marvel and wonder.

This is one of my favorite snapshots of scripture, found in Matthew 8:23-27, Mark 4:35-41, and Luke 8:22-25.  It convicts and reassures me at the same time.

Life is full of storms.  Storms that knock our boats off kilter and pitch them willly-nilly, making us question if we will ever see the shore again. 

I have weathered many storms.  And each time a new one comes, I forget all about how I made it through the last one and worry that this one will tear apart the boat and leave me drifting and helpless. 

I tend to respond like the disciples, and forget about faith. 

And where does that get me?  What does that accomplish? 

Nowhere and nothing. 

If I look at the rising water and roaring winds, then I fall into a panic and succumb to the stress.  I fret and fear and grow weary with the worry. 

How long til the storm passes?  Will I make it to the safety of the shore?  What condition will I be in when I reach the shore?  How am I going to get through this?  What do I do?  Why is this happening?  These questions can go around and around with no answers in sight as the storm keeps raging on.  And I just keep wondering whether I can weather this storm.

And all this questioning and striving for solutions gets me is restlessness, headaches, an inability to concentrate, sleep deprivation, and a complete loss of relaxation or enjoyment of any activity.

Can you relate?

Well, the good news is there is a much better way…

It’s all about my focus.  Is it on the waves and the wind, or the one who commands the waves and wind?

When I finally choose to look at God, His promises, and how He has helped me in the past, it is then, and only then, that I am at peace.  This verse has proven true for me time and again, “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.  Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock.”  Isaiah 26:3-4

This requires a deliberate shift in thinking.  It is not easy at first, but once you do it, oh the joy! 

What helps me is to look through scripture – there are so many wonderful treasures in God’s word.  The Psalms are one of my “go to” places when I need uplifting, but there are several encouraging snippets sprinkled throughout the scriptures that are soul-soothing.

I also look back at how God has been faithful in the past – to me personally, and what is recorded in bible stories.  In fact, that idea itself is in the bible:  “I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your wonders of old.”  Psalm 77:11

And sometimes it helps to put myself in a bible story and make it come alive, like I did with the above story.

While the storms won’t stop coming, and they won’t always pass swiftly or easily, as long as I can see Jesus in the boat with me, I have the strength to make it. 

What helps you hold on to Jesus?

As America just celebrated its Independence Day, I have been mulling on the subject of freedom.

I’m going to refrain from comment about the history of this holiday, as it is not relevant to the direction I want to take with this post.

So, before a rant or lecture ensues, on to the actual focus of this post.

…freedom…

First of all, what is the definition?

According to http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/freedom, freedom is the quality or state of being free as:

a :  the absence of necessity, coercion, or constraint in choice or action

b :  liberation from slavery or restraint or from the power of another :  independence

c :  the quality or state of being exempt or released usually from something onerous <freedom from care>

There are some wonderful sounding words in there… liberation, independence, released…

You could say that freedom is the opposite of being enslaved.  The opposite of being weighed down by burdens.  The opposite of being bound or trapped.

Sometimes we don’t realize how bound we are until we’ve been set free.  And sometimes we understand too well how captive we are but have no idea how to get the key for release. 

I spent several years longing for that key, not realizing how close it was.  Then there would be times that I stopped looking, believing that I was just fine.  But then a collision would reveal there were still prison bars in the way. 

It was a horrible cycle, and there did not appear to be any hope of any kind of real release.

Until at last I understood what true freedom was, not just a temporary escape that would end up re-routing back to the beginning.

What was that key? 

Or perhaps the better question would be, who was the key?

It was Jesus.  He’d been there all along, I just took a long time to see it.  He gives the only lasting freedom.  As He said,

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

Now I want to make an important distinction.  It was not a religious act that set me free.  It is a relationship with Jesus – that is what true Christianity is all about, and what the bible teaches.  (I’m not going to go any deeper into that topic now but will save it for another post.)

I’m going to get a bit more personal just to show that I’m not simply trying to throw out some Sunday school fluff or a religious bandaid. 

I really do get the difference between captivity and freedom and have gone through both.  I went from being an A and B student to getting on academic probation one semester because of skipping classes and not doing the assignments – which was a result of depression.  One semester after college let out I spent a month holed up in my room at my parent’s house, hardly stepping foot outside because of anxiety and depression. 

I have been so depressed that all I had energy for was lying in bed crying.  I have been under such anxiety that it caused pain that felt like a knife ripping apart my soul.  I have been in such fear that all I could do was curl in a fetal position and whimper. 

And I have yelled at God and hated Him and told Him to leave me alone.

But when I got to where all other options were empty and no answers were satisfying, I looked for God and cried out to Him, and He was waiting, ready to save me. 

Jesus Christ has given me true, lasting freedom.  Do I still get depressed?  Yes.  Anxious?  Yes.  Fearful?  Yes.  But that is because life is a battle, even as a Christian.  Christians go through stress just like everyone else.  But there is a difference. 

By being set free in Christ, even in difficult circumstances, I am able to rest when I trust Him.  My soul can have peace.  If I am stressing out then it is because I have taken my focus off of God. 

“It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.”  Galatians 5:1

Jesus has indeed set me free, but I have to look to Him, keep up my relationship with Him, to keep living in that freedom. 

And how does one keep up a relationship with an invisible God?  I'm glad you asked.  Just as you would keep up any relationship, stay in contact.  Listen to Him - through His Word and His Holy Spirit, which you have if you are a true believer in Christ.  Talk to Him - pray.  It doesn't have to be poetic or impressive, just honest.  And in keeping such lines of communication open you will find strength, peace, freedom and joy given by God's Spirit.  He may be invisible, but His power and presence are very real.

Will it always be easy to trust God and remain in this relationship?  No, because the stresses of life get in the way.  But even when it gets difficult, it's not burdensome.  What is burdensome is giving someone or something other than God the place of master.  That is being subject again to a yoke of slavery, as in the verse above.  Jesus is the only master who grants freedom as you serve Him. 

Don’t just settle for escape.  Grab a hold of freedom.  Escape is temporary.  It can be found in money, drugs, other people, and other things.  But it never solves anything and it never lasts.  God gives the only permanent freedom.

Groceries bought.  Check.  Laundry folded. Check.  Garden watered.  Check.  Dishes clean and put away.  Check.  Carpets vauummed and linoleum mopped.  Ummm… no check… I didn’t get to that…

Do you ever feel like life is just a series of to do lists?  I know I do. 

I am very much a list person.  To do lists, to buy lists, wish lists, fix it lists, contact lists… you name it, I’ve probably made list of it. 

And when I get to check something off, oh the joy!  The sense of accomplishment!

But when I look at my lists and see so much left unattended to, oh the how heavy the burden.  And when I do get to check a few things off, sometimes the joy is diminished by how much is left.  Even when a list is completely checked off, it’s not long before another list begins.

Neverending lists.

Even if I haven’t made a physical list, I always seem to have one in my head. 

I can be sitting at work and an errand I have to run will occur to me.  I can be on the phone with a friend and see the dishes piled up.  I can be watching a movie and notice the clutter that needs tidying up.  I can be at the grocery store and realize I’d better email somebody soon about something.

Sound familiar? 

Sometimes I use the excuse that because I am a woman that’s the way my brain works.  It’s just always going all over the place and I cannot help it.  I can’t compartmentalize like a man can.

But while that may be true, that doesn’t mean I have to give in to it.  I have a choice about whether I change my attitude.

Jesus gave very practical advice when he said, “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34 (NASB)

When I apply this to my endless lists, I think of Jesus telling me, “Do not constantly worry about every single item on your to do list.  It does not have to all be taken care of now.  Do what you can for the moment and take care of the rest another day.”

Of course I naturally want to reply with “But I have to worry about it or it won’t get done!  I cannot relax until it is finished!”

But the thing is, it’s never going to be all done.  It’s neverending.  The dishes are clean, then they get used and have to be washed again.  The laundry gets folded, gets worn and dirty, and has to be thrown in the wash and folded again.  The fridge and pantry get emptied of food and need to be restocked again.  On and on and on…

And that is why I have to shift my attitude from, “I can relax when its done” to “I will get done what I can, when I can, and give myself a chance to rest in between.”

I am not advocating laziness or irresponsibility by any means.  But it is important to focus on what is priority and have realistic expectations of what can be completed, and to relax instead of fretting about everything left undone.  And enjoy that sense of accomplishment for the things that do get done.

More energy should be put into a different kind of neverending list.  A list of blessings.  A list of God’s mercies.  When I do that, everything else falls into perspective.  I have a better frame of mind, and I can do the things on my other lists with a positive attitude.

So are you ready to give yourself a break and start compiling your blessings and mercies list?

Congratulations!  You are reading my very first blog post on this site!  What an honor, huh?

Okay, I will admit that’s a bit overdramatic… just a tad… a wee bit… I mean it’s not like I’m famous, right?

Ahem.  Anyway…

So as this is my first post it’s only proper that I share my life story, right?  Here goes:

It all started in a hospital in North Dakota one sunny day…

Oh sorry, you don’t want my whole life story?  Yeah, I suppose that is rather an overload of info.  I shall just stick to the basics.  Well, I’ll try.  I do tend to ramble, go on rabbit trails, digress and diverge… yadayada so on so forth.

Okay, to be more serious, I am a woman who has battled depression and anxiety and by God’s grace come through stronger.  I’ve gained some wisdom but have much farther to go, learned from some mistakes and repeated too many, faltered and fallen, risen and pressed on.  I hope to make the most of what God has given me and use that to encourage and help others. 

As it says in 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”  (NASB)

I don’t know about you but I’ve had many opportunities to experience the truth of this verse.  And God has proven faithful time and again. 

Of course I am not always good about turning to Him right away.  Even though it really is nonsensical not to reach out to the only one who fully understands and who is fully capable, too often I try to figure it out myself, or simply fall into despair. 

Then when I finally wisen up, let go and let God have it, I have peace and comfort.  Circumstances may not change immediately, but that’s okay, because I am in God’s hands.

And when I have passed through the storm and can stand steady again, I can reach out to others who are having similar experiences and give them hope. 

And that brings me to the reason for this blog.

Too often I get caught up with the stuff of life, and I forget what is really important.  Too often I look only to myself to find solutions.  Too often I give up.  Too often my view is rather narrow.

I want to challenge myself to seek beyond that.  Look up, out, all around.  I want to be seeking beyond, and seeing the King, Jesus. 

And I would like to challenge and encourage others to do the same.

Who’s with me?

“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”  Matthew 6:33